Dear Goddamned Dog

You Had ONE Job, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I believe you’ve understood that we have a dozen-or-so behavior professionals staying with us here starting today

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I feel for you. I do. Yesterday you were just minding your own business, burritoed and cozy, curled

Dear Goddamned Dog, There have been a lot of girl dogs in this house. You didn’t know them, but Emma,

Dear Goddamned Beagle, While you might enjoy a natural fitness, keeping your tone by a strict regimen of sleeping, eating

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I’m writing this from my bed at half past midnight as you snore gently, burritoed beside me

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I really owe you one this time. I was trying to be a good owner (we can

Dear Goddamned Beagle, My apologies. A mere few days ago you were in the hopeful throes of your first New

Dear Goddamned Marjie, The pet sitter has my couch blanket UPSTAIRS and is sitting with me next to the fireplace

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You’re not helping. I know this is our first time together at tax season, but in the

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I’m used to scanning my environment at all times these days in preparation for what you have