Maid of Honor

weddingvlmDear Goddamned Beagle,

It was going pretty well until you tried to steal the cheese platter.

To be fair, your leash was being held by a six-year old girl, you were surrounded by appetizers, and as far as I know it was your first time being the Maid of Honor at a wedding.

You were there when our friends Vic and Louanne asked us to marry them – me to vicnelofficiate, you as Best Beagle. These were two of the first friends you’d met when you first moved in, and Vic had told me you belonged here. I reminded him you were a beagle, so no way in hell would you be staying…

It was a back yard barbecue; Vic’s motorcycle club of fellow veterans, along with wives, brother, nieces and nephews, grand-nieces and friends. You schmoozed like a pro, saying hello to everyone, weaving in and out of the motorcycles, dancing a little, greeting the kids and, thanks to one little friend, sharing chips and dip. A lot of chips, a lot of salsa, a lot of spinach and cheese dip.

You had a little spinach stuck in your teeth, but we cleared that up, and just as we were getting ready to surprise the guests with our announcement that a wedding was taking place, I saw you climb onto the cheese platter. Your friend seemed fine with it, but I ran viclouup and took the leash, brushing the petals from your garland off the cheddar.


You stayed quiet for the whole ceremony – handled it like a pro. Sat politely all the way to the kiss before bolting toward the food being readied in the back. A few plaintive howls sent in just the right direction got you, I noticed, some pulled pork and ribs, bone off, from a few of your new friends. Who am I to argue, after all, with a twenty-pound beagle wending her way through the families of large biker men clad in leather and honorable colors?

We left with the party in full swing, our groom-and-bridesubsequent duties calling us elsewhere, but we got the report that the wedding night ended just as it should have, with the bride snuggled in with the dogs. They knew you’d appreciate that, so they sent you a memento.

wedding-nightI’ll give you this, Beagz; I can dress you up and take you out.


Your Person


One comment

  1. Please tell your GD dog/beagle that she looks exquisite in her M. O. H. finery. And ANY beagle worth her salt would have been up there in the cheese platter with her. Jeeze, it’s like sometimes people don’t get what it is to be a Beagle!

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