Maid of Honor

Author: Marjie Alonso

Once a child who couldn’t resist “borrowing” the neighborhood dogs, Marjie Alonso grew up to make her passion her profession. She spent decades as a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and executive director of animal behavior nonprofits. Over the years she shared her life with Emma, an American Eskimo, Betty and Addie, a pair of Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs, Nellie, her first beagle, and now Alice, along with countless foster dogs. A devoted parent and storyteller, Marjie writes with humor and heart about the joy, mischief, and everyday conversations that make life with dogs so deeply meaningful.

Marjie has just completed a memoir about taking her sons to meet their biological mothers in Paraguay and a reckoning about adoption. She writes essays for publication, and has a weekly Substack.

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

It was going pretty well until you tried to steal the cheese platter.

To be fair, your leash was being held by a six-year old girl, you were surrounded by appetizers, and as far as I know it was your first time being the Maid of Honor at a wedding.

You were there when our friends Vic and Louanne asked us to marry them – me to officiate, you as Best Beagle. These were two of the first friends you’d met when you first moved in, and Vic had told me you belonged here. I reminded him you were a beagle, so no way in hell would you be staying…

It was a back yard barbecue; Vic’s motorcycle club of fellow veterans, along with wives, brother, nieces and nephews, grand-nieces and friends. You schmoozed like a pro, saying hello to everyone, weaving in and out of the motorcycles, dancing a little, greeting the kids and, thanks to one little friend, sharing chips and dip. A lot of chips, a lot of salsa, a lot of spinach and cheese dip.

You had a little spinach stuck in your teeth, but we cleared that up, and just as we were getting ready to surprise the guests with our announcement that a wedding was taking place, I saw you climb onto the cheese platter. Your friend seemed fine with it, but I ran up and took the leash, brushing the petals from your garland off the cheddar.

You stayed quiet for the whole ceremony – handled it like a pro. Sat politely all the way to the kiss before bolting toward the food being readied in the back. A few plaintive howls sent in just the right direction got you, I noticed, some pulled pork and ribs, bone off, from a few of your new friends. Who am I to argue, after all, with a twenty-pound beagle wending her way through the families of large biker men clad in leather and honorable colors?

We left with the party in full swing, our subsequent duties calling us elsewhere, but we got the report that the wedding night ended just as it should have, with the bride snuggled in with the dogs. They knew you’d appreciate that, so they sent you a memento.