Dear Goddamned Beagle,
Since your arrival here, you’ve had the privilege of working and living alongside world-class scientists. You’ve watched as they employed cutting-edge technology, as some of the finest minds in genetics and biology have unraveled the mysteries of evolution and history. You’ve sat in on symposia as experts in numerous specialties have discussed and argued, debated and researched in a joint quest of exploration and discovery.
You’ve been more than an observer. In pondering the best, non-aversive, most effective ways to collect samples, the experts were stumped. How best to collect cells and DNA from puppies both lupus and familiaris? It was you who suggested the power of the common chew toy. By wrapping teeth and mouth around the simple tool, plenty of material could be readily available, extending the wisdom of the ages to the gentle gathering of the ties that bind your regal ancestry.
Thanks in part to you, the bounds of knowledge and technology will be broadened, leading to leaps in potential for relief from disease and suffering. A proud moment, Beagle. So proud.