Dear Goddamned Dog

Change Is For Slot Machines

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Today is National Dog Day, so I feel I should try to clarify recent events out of

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You’ve had some bad ideas in the past. Last night, for instance, when the Things and She

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I saw it immediately the day I met you. Well, immediately after I’d seen past the scabby,

Dear Goddamned Dog, Sure, you play a good game, but yesterday I saw what domestication has really accomplished for the

Dear Goddamned Beagle, If I’ve learned anything in my roughly six decades, it’s that I never know what I’m going

Dear Goddamned Beagle, There are times when you are nothing short of Shakespearean in your misery. “It is enough,” you

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Since your arrival here, you’ve had the privilege of working and living alongside world-class scientists. You’ve watched

Dear Goddamned Dog, It was two years today. Thing 2 came home from school after your pain became unendurable. We

Dear Goddamned Beagle, All in all, you did a very good job of keeping it together. The last time we

Dear Goddamned Beagle, This was my afternoon. A knock on the front door. No one’s expected, and you’re being walked