Dear Goddamned Beagle,
I believe congratulations are in order as today you experienced outdoor, seaside dining for the first time.
A few points about future such outings:
I completely saw “Uncle Rich” feeding you French fries under the table. And hamburger. And maybe a fried clam, so don’t think I bought that, “I’m just sitting under the table to avoid the sun” thing you seemed to be implying.
Are you familiar with the word, “groaking,” Beagz? It refers to the act of staring longingly at someone while they’re eating, hoping they’ll invite you to share their food.
I have seem some groaking in my time, but your skills in this are epic. I’d just like to caution you that it won’t always work out as well as it did today. Three tables sitting six strangers, all feeding you French fries, is frankly a great haul. I fear this will lead to disappointment in the future, so please keep your expectations in check.
Thanks to the slo mo feature of my phone I can now fully appreciate the protrusion differential between pre- and post-fry “ocular enthusiasm.” Having seen this in detail, I think it’s frankly a matter of safety to give you fries as quickly as possible whenever they’re present, if only to spare bystanders the discomfort of an ejected beagle eyeball landing in their soup.
You have needs, Beagle. This much is clear.