Once a child who couldn’t resist “borrowing” the neighborhood dogs, Marjie Alonso grew up to make her passion her profession. She spent decades as a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and executive director of animal behavior nonprofits. Over the years she shared her life with Emma, an American Eskimo, Betty and Addie, a pair of Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs, Nellie, her first beagle, and now Alice, along with countless foster dogs. A devoted parent and storyteller, Marjie writes with humor and heart about the joy, mischief, and everyday conversations that make life with dogs so deeply meaningful.

 

Marjie has just completed a memoir about taking her sons to meet their biological mothers in Paraguay and a reckoning about adoption. She writes essays for publication, and has a weekly Substack.

Browse Every Goddamned Article I've Ever Published

  • All Categories
  • Blue
  • Colleagues
  • Food on Head
  • Foster Dog
  • Goddamned Beagle
  • Goddamned Dog
  • Puppy
  • Swiss Mountain Dog
  • Writing
All Categories
  • All Categories
  • Blue
  • Colleagues
  • Food on Head
  • Foster Dog
  • Goddamned Beagle
  • Goddamned Dog
  • Puppy
  • Swiss Mountain Dog
  • Writing
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Howloween

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Perhaps you felt it in the air. Something's definitely been up, because let's face it, for the last few days you've been a complete ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

We Have Always Been The Caretakers

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Some weeks ago we received a letter in a small green envelope. Written on the outside was, "My parents were married in your ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Bored

Dear Goddamned Beagle, As part of your life with me there are some things you'll have to accept. I travel for work sometimes. I work a ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Maid of Honor

Dear Goddamned Beagle, It was going pretty well until you tried to steal the cheese platter. To be fair, your leash was being held by a ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

P. A. T.

Dear Goddamned Beagle, In my field we have lots of acronyms. Acronyms are letters that, when put together, relieve a person from having to remember or ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Dining Al Fresco

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I believe congratulations are in order as today you experienced outdoor, seaside dining for the first time. A few points about future such outings: ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Fancy Footwear

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Really? You are an adult dog. Though it's true that your actions often belie your age, your days of puppyhood are long past. Or ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Winter Is Coming

Dear Goddamned Dog, Fifty-six. It is fifty-six degrees out, and you're shivering hard enough to shake this computer as you lean against my leg. I have ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned DogPuppy

Playing The Big Leagues

Dear Goddamned Puppy, It is true that the world loves you, and that everyone thinks you're cute. Well, almost everyone.
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Burrito

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Normally I wouldn’t say self control is your strong suit. You leap, you chase, you steal, you’re busy beagling 24/7, making your opinions ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Fries Frenzy

I’m just going to come out and say it: You were horrible last night. There’s really no point in denying it, Beagle. You were incessant and ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Office Nap

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I understand how exhausted you must be. Jumping up on to a desk and stealing someone's lunch in under 5 seconds really takes ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Bones Do Rain From The Sky

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Of late we’ve been working on curbing your lightening-fast and revolting habit of finding every scrap of organic material on the ground and ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Slightly Under The Weather

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm very sorry you're under the weather. No fun to have nasty things happening at all ends, and it's clear you feel lousy.
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Actual Training

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You pull like a freight train. You steal people's lunches. You regularly have to be removed from tables.
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Just A Bad Day I Guess

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I don't know what's up with you today. Perhaps it's the weather, maybe the impending trip, maybe the lack of available Things to ...
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

A Bird In The Hand

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Feet and heads are normally separated by a body. This is an important part of anatomy, and one that, frankly, I'm used to.
Continue Reading
Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Pandora’s Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I do understand that until recently no one had thought to teach your brilliant mind about things like higher learning. Or sit. Or ...
Continue Reading
Scroll to Top