Once a child who couldn’t resist “borrowing” the neighborhood dogs, Marjie Alonso grew up to make her passion her profession. She spent decades as a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and executive director of animal behavior nonprofits. Over the years she shared her life with Emma, an American Eskimo, Betty and Addie, a pair of Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs, Nellie, her first beagle, and now Alice, along with countless foster dogs. A devoted parent and storyteller, Marjie writes with humor and heart about the joy, mischief, and everyday conversations that make life with dogs so deeply meaningful.

 

Marjie has just completed a memoir about taking her sons to meet their biological mothers in Paraguay and a reckoning about adoption. She writes essays for publication, and has a weekly Substack.

Browse Every Goddamned Article I've Ever Published

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Foster DogGoddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Welcome To The Family, Beagz

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I, too, tilt my head at the person who would say she wanted you, pursue you avidly, and then change her mind at ...
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Foster DogGoddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Remorse

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Re·morse ( rəˈmôrs/ noun ) Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed. I realize this is not a concept familiar to your ...
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Foster DogGoddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Leave It

Dear Goddamned Beagle, "Leave it" is, I understand, both a concept and a command you're unfamiliar with.
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Rain Averse

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You routinely try to catch, and possibly kill things with your mouth.
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Goodbye, Addie

Dear Goddamned Dog, I’m writing now as I will from now on, to the empty corners of every room, to the dozen years past, to the ...
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Boofing to be Heard

Dear Goddamned Dog, I am very sorry you don’t feel well. This much at least is clear.
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Rain And Christmas Cookies

Dear Goddamned Dog, We have to talk about rain. And Christmas cookies, but rain first.
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Food on HeadGoddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Begging

Dear Goddamned Dog, I believe I asked you to stop begging when I eat a banana at my desk.
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

I Must Be A Little Thick

Dear Goddamned Dog, I apologize for not understanding.
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Festival Clean Up

Dear Goddamned Dog, Dozens of 10' tents; hundreds of pounds of gear and paper goods
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

One More Hill To Climb

The first time I saw Addie in person she was nine weeks old and shrieking to get out of the crate she’d been flown to me ...
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Food on HeadGoddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Body Language

Dear Goddamned Dog, Much is made of dog body language in my circles, and many an assumption has been made of a dog's emotional state based ...
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Training A Thing

Dear Goddamned Dog, Your brilliance is always lurking, but today I watched you train your Thing.
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Crunching

Dear Goddamned Dog, While I appreciate your sudden bent toward tidiness, your new habit of finding pieces of ice melt that have fallen from people's shoes ...
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Shredding

Dear Goddamned Dog, This weather is not my fault. Not the wind, not the cold, not the hooded men with machines, not the salt on the ...
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Leftovers

Dear Goddamned Dog, I understand how bonding it is for families to eat meals together, and also that your current Kong amuse bouche of banana, beef, ...
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Food on HeadGoddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Birthday Cheer

Dear Goddamned Dog, It's that time again - the time when we both get a year older. I must say it's nice to share a birthday ...
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Goddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Hedgehog Hinting

Dear Goddamned Dog, This computer provides the employment that pays for your organic unicorn meat and bluebonnet petal food, your gear, your toys and your not-insubstantial ...
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