Once a child who couldn’t resist “borrowing” the neighborhood dogs, Marjie Alonso grew up to make her passion her profession. She spent decades as a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and executive director of animal behavior nonprofits. Over the years she shared her life with Emma, an American Eskimo, Betty and Addie, a pair of Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs, Nellie, her first beagle, and now Alice, along with countless foster dogs. A devoted parent and storyteller, Marjie writes with humor and heart about the joy, mischief, and everyday conversations that make life with dogs so deeply meaningful.

 

Marjie has just completed a memoir about taking her sons to meet their biological mothers in Paraguay and a reckoning about adoption. She writes essays for publication, and has a weekly Substack.

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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Good Thing I’m a Professional

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I spend an inordinate amount of time on video conferences and on the phone. You might not know this, because all of that ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Not So Fast on the Rebound

Dear Goddamned Beagle, This was your third Somerville Dog Festival with me; three September Sundays of riding around a fairground filled with thousands of human, and ...
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BlueGoddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Change Is For Slot Machines

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Today is National Dog Day, so I feel I should try to clarify recent events out of respect for the holiday. Thing 2 ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

I Knew You Looked Familiar

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I saw it immediately the day I met you. Well, immediately after I'd seen past the scabby, naked rear haunches, yellowed eyeballs with ...
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BlueGoddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

City Rabbits

Dear Goddamned Dog, Sure, you play a good game, but yesterday I saw what domestication has really accomplished for the apex predator. Thunderstorms were on their ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Ciao, Beagle!

Dear Goddamned Beagle, If I've learned anything in my roughly six decades, it's that I never know what I'm going to say next. Even so, "I ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

The Winter of Your Discontent

Dear Goddamned Beagle, There are times when you are nothing short of Shakespearean in your misery. "It is enough," you convey, "that you woke me up ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned DogPuppy

Canis Scientia

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Since your arrival here, you've had the privilege of working and living alongside world-class scientists. You've watched as they employed cutting-edge technology, as ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

Two Years Gone

Dear Goddamned Dog, It was two years today. Thing 2 came home from school after your pain became unendurable. We spent the night with you, carried ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

It’s Good You Can Finally Relax

Dear Goddamned Beagle, All in all, you did a very good job of keeping it together. The last time we hosted fourteen millennials at the Cape ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

The Squirrel

Dear Goddamned Beagle, This was my afternoon. A knock on the front door. No one's expected, and you're being walked by Auntie E. Open the door. ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Loyal Like a Dog

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You have many talents I will admit. You can run, often with heavy appliances or tools in your mouth. You can smell a ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Horizontal For The Holidays

Dear Goddamned Beagle, This has not been the easiest week. Massive amounts of work, a difficult funeral and multiple social engagements added a lot of pressure ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Last year, our first Thanksgiving together, I remember gazing with pride at the results of my professional expertise and environmental set-up for success. ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Don’t Make Me Get the Razor Wire, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, That you are a master of attention-seeking behavior is not in question. Since your arrival more than a year ago, few phone calls, ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

You’re Using That Wrong, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, A few weeks ago you had very serious surgery. I was told to keep you quiet, and to prevent you from jumping and ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

The Morning After

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You had a big day yesterday. It started at about 5:00 am, and by 5:00 pm you had greeted most of our 3,500 ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Towel Dry

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm not gonna lie - you get pretty rank.  It's mostly not your fault. In the interest of learning more about your kind, ...
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