Once a child who couldn’t resist “borrowing” the neighborhood dogs, Marjie Alonso grew up to make her passion her profession. She spent decades as a dog trainer, behavior consultant, and executive director of animal behavior nonprofits. Over the years she shared her life with Emma, an American Eskimo, Betty and Addie, a pair of Greater Swiss Mountain Dogs, Nellie, her first beagle, and now Alice, along with countless foster dogs. A devoted parent and storyteller, Marjie writes with humor and heart about the joy, mischief, and everyday conversations that make life with dogs so deeply meaningful.

 

Marjie has just completed a memoir about taking her sons to meet their biological mothers in Paraguay and a reckoning about adoption. She writes essays for publication, and has a weekly Substack.

Browse Every Goddamned Article I've Ever Published

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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Not Bad, For An Old Dog

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm not sure why people say I haven't taught you anything. In the year-or-so since we first met, you've learned a lot. You ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned DogSwiss Mountain Dog

You Had ONE Job, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I believe you've understood that we have a dozen-or-so behavior professionals staying with us here starting today and through the weekend for a ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Levity Pure

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I feel for you. I do. Yesterday you were just minding your own business, burritoed and cozy, curled under the red blanket I stole from ...
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BlueGoddamned Dog

Welcome to the Neighborhood, Blue

Dear Goddamned Dog, There have been a lot of girl dogs in this house. You didn't know them, but Emma, Betty and Addie lived here a ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Don’t Judge, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, While you might enjoy a natural fitness, keeping your tone by a strict regimen of sleeping, eating and intermittent zoomies, not all of ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

One Of THOSE Mornings

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm writing this from my bed at half past midnight as you snore gently, burritoed beside me in one of the two smaller ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

I Owe You One, Beagle

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I really owe you one this time. I was trying to be a good owner (we can talk about who owns whom another ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Seasons Are For The Birds

Dear Goddamned Beagle, My apologies. A mere few days ago you were in the hopeful throes of your first New England spring. The days had been ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

While The Person’s Away…

Dear Goddamned Marjie, The pet sitter has my couch blanket UPSTAIRS and is sitting with me next to the fireplace UPSTAIRS. You have never once thought ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Tax Day

Dear Goddamned Beagle, You're not helping. I know this is our first time together at tax season, but in the future, when I'm frantically trying to ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Missing

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm used to scanning my environment at all times these days in preparation for what you have done, what you might do, and ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Could She Have Eaten Anything?

Dear Goddamned Beagle,   Whatever you ate, it seems this time you've been bested. Far from your usual "one bad burp and we're good" resolution to unwise ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

March Blizzard

Dear Goddamned Beagle, We just received this text: Dear Beagle, It gets better. Love, Your Dogmother Good to know you're understood, Beagz. Love, Your Person  
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

What WAS That?

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I saw it just as you did - some amorphous blob of putty-peanut butter-colored stuff tucked between some dry leaves by a wall. ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Happy Birthday Beagz!

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Congratulations on turning seven today! While I suspect you may have turned seven at least once before, seven seems like a good thing ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Unacceptable Changes Around Here

Dear Goddamned Beagle, First, let me say that I agree with your opinion about recent changes around here. I don't like them either. I'd also like ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Beagle Therapy

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I'm not gonna lie - it's been a tough couple of weeks. More than a couple, really, and between the personal and the ...
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Goddamned BeagleGoddamned Dog

Howloween

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Perhaps you felt it in the air. Something's definitely been up, because let's face it, for the last few days you've been a complete ...
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