Dear Goddamned Beagle,

And I do know that you’re one for statements. Subtlety is clearly for those also-rans in the opinion department. The type that lose out on a dropped French fry.
But it’s possible you took it a little far this morning. Typically thirsty from your post-breakfast nap, you jumped down from the window seat and had a drink, then checked under the chairs for crumbs, then headed to the office. In other words, you went about all your morning tasks as usual, but you did it all while still draped in your blanket.

OK fine, I”ll turn on the fireplace.
Love,
Your Person
Oh this is so dear! What a drama queen!