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Dear Goddamned Dog

Dear Goddamned Dog

Author: Marjie

Unacceptable Changes Around Here

December 22, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 3 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, First, let me say that I agree with your opinion about recent changes around here. I don’t

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Pre- The Holidays

November 20, 2016 Marjie Uncategorized Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle, This will be our first holiday season together, and with Thanksgiving arriving this week, it’s important I at

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Beagle Therapy

November 15, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 4 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I’m not gonna lie – it’s been a tough couple of weeks. More than a couple, really,

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Howloween

November 1, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Perhaps you felt it in the air. Something’s definitely been up, because let’s face it, for the

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We Have Always Been The Caretakers

October 24, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 6 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Some weeks ago we received a letter in a small green envelope. Written on the outside was,

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Bored

October 19, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, As part of your life with me there are some things you’ll have to accept. I travel

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Maid of Honor

October 8, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog One comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle, It was going pretty well until you tried to steal the cheese platter. To be fair, your

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P. A. T.

September 28, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 4 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, In my field we have lots of acronyms. Acronyms are letters that, when put together, relieve a

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Dining Al Fresco

September 26, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 3 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, I believe congratulations are in order as today you experienced outdoor, seaside dining for the first time.

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Fancy Footwear

September 23, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 5 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle, Really? You are an adult dog. Though it’s true that your actions often belie your age, your days

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Winter Is Coming

September 17, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 8 comments

Dear Goddamned Dog, Fifty-six. It is fifty-six degrees out, and you’re shivering hard enough to shake this computer as you

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Playing The Big Leagues

September 8, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog, Puppy 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Puppy,

It is true that the world loves you, and that everyone thinks you’re cute.

Well, almost everyone.

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Burrito

September 5, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

Normally I wouldn’t say self control is your strong suit. You leap, you chase, you steal, you’re busy beagling 24/7, making your opinions and desires known to all.

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Fries Frenzy

September 4, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog One comment

I’m just going to come out and say it: You were horrible last night. There’s really no point in denying it, Beagle. You were incessant and annoying, and frankly disruptive.

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Office Nap

August 30, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

I understand how exhausted you must be. Jumping up on to a desk and stealing someone’s lunch in under 5 seconds really takes it out of a person.

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Bones Do Rain From The Sky

August 27, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

Of late we’ve been working on curbing your lightening-fast and revolting habit of finding every scrap of organic material on the ground and eating it. Dead things, littered food scraps, often-unidentifiable orts of grossness all warrant intense scrutiny, and often ingestion.

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Slightly Under The Weather

August 24, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

I’m very sorry you’re under the weather. No fun to have nasty things happening at all ends, and it’s clear you feel lousy.

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Actual Training

August 12, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

You pull like a freight train. You steal people’s lunches. You regularly have to be removed from tables.

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Just A Bad Day I Guess

June 27, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

I don’t know what’s up with you today. Perhaps it’s the weather, maybe the impending trip, maybe the lack of available Things to focus on, but if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re completely off your head.

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A Bird In The Hand

June 27, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 5 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

Feet and heads are normally separated by a body. This is an important part of anatomy, and one that, frankly, I’m used to.

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Pandora’s Beagle

June 8, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog 3 comments

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

I do understand that until recently no one had thought to teach your brilliant mind about things like higher learning. Or sit. Or down.

So though it may seem premature in your education, I’m going to refer you to the classics and a story about Pandora’s Box

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Plates

June 3, 2016 Marjie Foster Dog, Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

About plates. Plates are for people. In particular, plates next to where I sit are for me. This is important to note as I’m currently the human saving your ghastly ass from the glue factory, so you might want to try and remember it.

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Welcome To The Family, Beagz

May 27, 2016 Marjie Foster Dog, Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

I, too, tilt my head at the person who would say she wanted you, pursue you avidly, and then change her mind at the last minute on you, her third beagle, claiming, “I’m just not sure I want a dog who howls.”

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Remorse

May 22, 2016 Marjie Foster Dog, Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

Re·morse ( rəˈmôrs/ noun )

Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.

I realize this is not a concept familiar to your Beagley kind, so it’s not completely your fault.

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Leave It

May 18, 2016 Marjie Foster Dog, Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

“Leave it” is, I understand, both a concept and a command you’re unfamiliar with.

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Rain Averse

April 12, 2016 Marjie Foster Dog, Goddamned Beagle, Goddamned Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Beagle,

You routinely try to catch, and possibly kill things with your mouth.

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Goodbye, Addie

February 20, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog 5 comments

Dear Goddamned Dog,

I’m writing now as I will from now on, to the empty corners of every room, to the dozen years past, to the millions of things and places that will forever remind me of you.

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Boofing to be Heard

January 25, 2016 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

I am very sorry you don’t feel well. This much at least is clear.

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Rain And Christmas Cookies

December 5, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

We have to talk about rain. And Christmas cookies, but rain first.

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Begging

October 9, 2015 Marjie Food on Head, Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog 2 comments

Dear Goddamned Dog,

I believe I asked you to stop begging when I eat a banana at my desk.

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I Must Be A Little Thick

October 5, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

I apologize for not understanding.

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Festival Clean Up

September 18, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

Dozens of 10′ tents; hundreds of pounds of gear and paper goods

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One More Hill To Climb

August 1, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog 2 comments

The first time I saw Addie in person she was nine weeks old and shrieking to get out of the

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Body Language

June 11, 2015 Marjie Food on Head, Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog 4 comments

Dear Goddamned Dog,

Much is made of dog body language in my circles, and many an assumption has been made of a dog’s emotional state based on a single photograph.

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Training A Thing

May 5, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

Your brilliance is always lurking, but today I watched you train your Thing.

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Crunching

February 5, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, While I appreciate your sudden bent toward tidiness, your new habit of finding pieces of ice melt

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Shredding

January 23, 2015 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

This weather is not my fault. Not the wind, not the cold, not the hooded men with machines, not the salt on the walkways.

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Thanksgiving Menu

November 26, 2014 Marjie Uncategorized Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, Happy Thanksgiving. Love, Your Person  

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Leftovers

September 5, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, I understand how bonding it is for families to eat meals together, and also that your current

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Birthday Cheer

March 20, 2014 Marjie Food on Head, Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, It’s that time again – the time when we both get a year older. I must say

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Hedgehog Hinting

March 5, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, This computer provides the employment that pays for your organic unicorn meat and bluebonnet petal food, your

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Private Bathroom Requirements

February 5, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog, You are Swiss. This means you like snow. Alps. Cheese. Cuckoo clocks. Really even grass trimmed with

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Ocean Recall

January 20, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Puppy, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

 Dear Goddamned Dog, I do understand that the ocean took you by surprise, but trust me, you will recover. I’d

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Covers

January 5, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

I’d like to talk to you about covers and beds. You see, you have fur, which automatically makes you warm, and therefore technically able to sleep without covers.

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Trying To Cut Back

January 1, 2014 Marjie Goddamned Dog, Puppy, Swiss Mountain Dog Leave a comment

Dear Goddamned Dog,

I’ve just had to explain to your veterinarian that you don’t smoke.

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Recent Posts

  • Goodbye, Dear Goddamned Beagle
  • An Announcement of Worse Boredom
  • Hello Cutie Pie!
  • It’s Been A While, Beagle
  • I Still Win, Beagle
  • You’re Disgusting, Beagle
  • Oh Really, Wendy?
  • Seeing Eye
  • First Things First
  • So It’s Come To This, Beagle
  • Parental Controls
  • Tools of the Trade
  • I’ve Been Remiss, Beagle
  • Good Thing I’m a Professional
  • Not So Fast on the Rebound
  • Change Is For Slot Machines
  • This Is A Bad Idea, Beagle
  • I Knew You Looked Familiar
  • City Rabbits
  • Ciao, Beagle!
  • The Winter of Your Discontent
  • Canis Scientia
  • Two Years Gone
  • It’s Good You Can Finally Relax
  • The Squirrel
  • Loyal Like a Dog
  • Horizontal For The Holidays
  • The Most Wonderful Day of the Year
  • Don’t Make Me Get the Razor Wire, Beagle
  • You’re Using That Wrong, Beagle
  • The Morning After
  • Towel Dry
  • Maybe a Little Dramatic, Beagle
  • Not Bad, For An Old Dog
  • You Had ONE Job, Beagle
  • Levity Pure
  • Welcome to the Neighborhood, Blue
  • Don’t Judge, Beagle
  • One Of THOSE Mornings
  • I Owe You One, Beagle
  • Seasons Are For The Birds
  • While The Person’s Away…
  • Tax Day
  • Missing
  • Could She Have Eaten Anything?
  • March Blizzard
  • What WAS That?
  • Happy Birthday Beagz!
  • To Warm, Perchance To Reach
  • Every Girl Has Her Limits
  • Unacceptable Changes Around Here
  • Pre- The Holidays
  • Beagle Therapy
  • Howloween
  • We Have Always Been The Caretakers
  • Bored
  • Maid of Honor
  • P. A. T.
  • Dining Al Fresco
  • Fancy Footwear
  • Winter Is Coming
  • Playing The Big Leagues
  • Burrito
  • Fries Frenzy
  • Office Nap
  • Bones Do Rain From The Sky
  • Slightly Under The Weather
  • Actual Training
  • Just A Bad Day I Guess
  • A Bird In The Hand
  • Pandora’s Beagle
  • Plates
  • Welcome To The Family, Beagz
  • Remorse
  • Leave It
  • Rain Averse
  • Goodbye, Addie
  • Boofing to be Heard
  • Rain And Christmas Cookies
  • Begging
  • I Must Be A Little Thick
  • Festival Clean Up
  • One More Hill To Climb
  • Body Language
  • Training A Thing
  • Crunching
  • Shredding
  • Thanksgiving Menu
  • Leftovers
  • Birthday Cheer
  • Hedgehog Hinting
  • Private Bathroom Requirements
  • Ocean Recall
  • Covers
  • Trying To Cut Back

Recent Comments

  • Doris R Oppenheimer on Goodbye, Dear Goddamned Beagle
  • Dana on Goodbye, Addie
  • Dana on Goodbye, Addie
  • Leslie Wharton on Goodbye, Dear Goddamned Beagle
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