Dear Goddamned Beagle,
You pull like a freight train. You steal people’s lunches. You regularly have to be removed from tables.
Category: Goddamned Beagle
Just A Bad Day I Guess
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
I don’t know what’s up with you today. Perhaps it’s the weather, maybe the impending trip, maybe the lack of available Things to focus on, but if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re completely off your head.
A Bird In The Hand
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
Feet and heads are normally separated by a body. This is an important part of anatomy, and one that, frankly, I’m used to.
Pandora’s Beagle
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
I do understand that until recently no one had thought to teach your brilliant mind about things like higher learning. Or sit. Or down.
So though it may seem premature in your education, I’m going to refer you to the classics and a story about Pandora’s Box
Plates
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
About plates. Plates are for people. In particular, plates next to where I sit are for me. This is important to note as I’m currently the human saving your ghastly ass from the glue factory, so you might want to try and remember it.
Welcome To The Family, Beagz
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
I, too, tilt my head at the person who would say she wanted you, pursue you avidly, and then change her mind at the last minute on you, her third beagle, claiming, “I’m just not sure I want a dog who howls.”
Remorse
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
Re·morse ( rəˈmôrs/ noun )
Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.
I realize this is not a concept familiar to your Beagley kind, so it’s not completely your fault.
Leave It
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
“Leave it” is, I understand, both a concept and a command you’re unfamiliar with.
Rain Averse
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
You routinely try to catch, and possibly kill things with your mouth.