Dear Goddamned Beagle,
About plates. Plates are for people. In particular, plates next to where I sit are for me. This is important to note as I’m currently the human saving your ghastly ass from the glue factory, so you might want to try and remember it.
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
I, too, tilt my head at the person who would say she wanted you, pursue you avidly, and then change her mind at the last minute on you, her third beagle, claiming, “I’m just not sure I want a dog who howls.”
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
Re·morse ( rəˈmôrs/ noun )
Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.
I realize this is not a concept familiar to your Beagley kind, so it’s not completely your fault.
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
“Leave it” is, I understand, both a concept and a command you’re unfamiliar with.
Dear Goddamned Beagle,
You routinely try to catch, and possibly kill things with your mouth.